A DOG'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
*I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
*The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
*I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
*I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. I must shake the rainwater
of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
*I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
*I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
house when I am about to throw up.
*I will not throw up in the car.
*I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
*I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. "Kitty box
crunchies" are not food.
*I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard
*The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
*I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom
*I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
*I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
will think I am hemorrhaging.
*When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when
it's raining outside.
*We do not have a doorbell.
*I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
*I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard
*The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
*My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
*I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's
license and car registration.