Very funny,
what the heck is "Monkey Grip" ???????
Sharon, WA State
===============================================
On Thu, 18 Jan 2001 14:19:48 -0500 "Angela Kneller" <angela(a)kneller.com>
writes:
This makes for some interesting reading! It's from the 1923
Columbia City High School Annual. I've put the surnames in caps so
you can scroll it if you don't care to read it. But it is
interesting to read this and will give you a few laughs!
Angela....
------------------------------------------
Last Will and Testament
We, the Senior Class of the year of our Lord One Thousand Nine
Hundred and Twenty-Three, being (as we think) of sound mind and
perfect health (having enough of the last mentioned article to last
us the rest of our lives), but nevertheless, looking forward to that
time when we shall shuffle off this mortal coil to seek the
undiscovered country from whose borne no traveler returns, do hereby
declare this to be our Last Will and Testament, revoking all other
wills, codicils, and sections of wills which may have been made
heretofore. Attested, this twenty-third day of April, by Glenn P.
GALLOWAY and John BARTON.
SECTION I
Item 1. We do bequeath unto that portion of our high school
remaining after our graduation, enough of our superfluous brilliancy
to make the ace of spades look like the Aurora Borealis, or
approximately ten light years.
Item 2. To the verdant Freshman class, we leave a blue print of
the upper halls of the high school building, so that in their
innocent wanderings they may not stray into the girls' rest room
instead of the office.
Item 3. Unto the sophisticated Sophomores we leave our rare and
valuable collection of interlinear translations of Caesar's
commentaries (otherwise known as ponies,) to be used with discretion
and handled with care, and in addition to this, a book on "Giggles,
their Prevention and Cure."
Item 4. To the light minded Juniors we leave one Encyclopedia
of Senior Etiquette, or "How to Behave Properly under Any
Circumstances," in six volumes, bound in chicken skin, and written by
John Thomas EYANSON, whose excellent conduct grade qualifies him to
write on the subject.
SECTION II
Item 1. To Walter William WEICK, otherwise known as Bud the
Peeper, and also to his ardent companion, William E. MEYERS, we
leave one half-dozen packages of "Monkey Grip," with which to patch
some of their notorious "big tears."
Item 2. To Duke WATERFALL we leave the following recipe for
Rudolf Vaselino hair dressing: To two drops of rain water add 1 1/4
lbs. of tallow, 3 oz. of beeswax and a box of shinola: shake well
before using and apply locally before or after meals.
Item 3. To Glenn SHOOK we leave two plugs of J. T. and a round
trip ticket to La Otto.
Item 4. The conduct grades of Helen BRENNEMAN we do leave as an
heritage unto Paul ALLEN.
Item 5. Unto Cleon FOUST we leave a bevy of Freshman lassies as
a special gift to insure his future happiness, and we do provide
that henceforth he shall be known as, not simply as "Billy," but as
"Sweet William."
Item 6. To Elizabeth MOSSMAN we leave a swivel chair in front
of the assembly room desk, so that when she wishes to speak to Mr.
GALLOWAY she will not need to run around all over the room.
Item 7. To our old friend and companion, Kenny ROBERTS, we
leave as many years as may be necessary to complete his high school
education, and we do provide that on no account shall his
instructors fail him in more than four subjects.
Item 8. Unto James K. NORTHAM we bequeath Harvey CARTER's vast
vocabulary, with full instructions for using it.
Item 9. Unto "Bus" KENNER we leave a good supply of neckties to
be worn only upon special occasions.
Item 10. To Louie, otherwise known as "Two Gun," WESTON we do
bequeath a brace of six shooters guaranteed to shoot seven times
without reloading, and a one-way ticket to "God's Country," where
men are men and axes are axes and money wrenches are monkey
wrenches.
Item 11. We leave unto Robert WARD a spike nail and a piece of
cheese, so that he will have something to wonder about.
Item 12. To Miss Louise ERDMANN we leave the latest edition of
"How to be Happy though Married," written by Roy PRICE and Mary
CARTER.
Item 13. To Mr. FISHER we leave a new set of springs for his
Dodge car.
Item 14. To Harry REID we leave a Dusenberg Special, so that
his conception of speed may become a realization; also to him we
bequeath a quart of raisin jack and enough gas to take him to
Huntington.
Item 15. To Clement EVARD, we are glad to will a pair of loaded
bones and 30c worth of pennies so that he may set up in business.
Item 16. To Hob GELVIN we leave James KALER's ability to sing
in French, and we do admonish him if he cannot get the notes right,
by all means to sing the rests.
Item 17. To Mary JOHNSTON, in addition to three fraternity
rings from Harvard, Yale and Long Cliff, we leave a third interest
in the BAILEY and VANDERFORD Vamping Company, and Virginia CLARK's
ability to catch and keep hot things such as BURN-WORTHS.
Item 18. To Phil WIGENT, we bequeath August KELLEY's latest
book on "Tailoring," two bottles of "Duke" WATERFALL's "Stay
Put"
hair grease, and a life job as a hash slinger at PRICE's
Restaurant.
SECTION III
Item 1. We do hereby appoint and name Richard KISSINGER and
James NORTHAM as Executors of this our Last Will and Testament.
Item 2. We do provide that within three days of our demise, our
obituary shall be duly published in the "Churubusco Truth" and in
the "Exhaust Pipe," and that our body shall interred with fitting
ceremonies, and that a stone shall be placed above our last resting
place bearing an inscription suitable to the occasion.
Item 3. In witness whereof we hereunto set our hands and seal
this 23rd day of April. in the year of Our Lord, one thousand nine
hundred and twenty-three.
Class of 1923, C. C. H. S.
We have duly subscribed our names hereunto as witnesses:
Signed: Glenn P. GALLOWAY
John BARTON
==============================
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