Hi Lorna -
"We" are much more open than folks used to be. Differences and prejudices
ran very deep -against blacks, Indians, Irish, Chinese, and on, and
on. Where did all those derogatory phrases come from... "half
breed" "nigger in the woodpile" -please don't take offense at the
"N"
word. I'm using it in the historical sense to illustrate how prejudices
permeated society. I have a very eclectic view - I was raised in CA but my
roots are in AL. My mother-in-law was raised just outside a reservation in
SD. The prejudices against Indians was ruthless.
Just because someone is dead doesn't erase the social restrictions under
which they lived. Case in point - my uncle completed my grandpa's death
cert giving him a father named John Doe, SENIOR because grandpa's mother
was an unmarried woman who gave her maiden name to her three children - all
fathered by the same man - who just happened to be married to her
sister! So we have John Doe whose mother was Jane Doe and whose father was
Jack Smith. John Doe went to his grave with his father listed as John Doe
SR on his death cert. I don't dare enlighten the family as to what I've
found for fear of compromising my uncle who was trying to protect his
father's "good name".
What to us is a challenging mystery to be solved is to others a shame to be
protected against revelation.
Another case, we are trying to locate my husband's father's birth
father. We have two birth certs, one with the birth parents, the other
with the adoptive parents. My mother-in-law fusses about the research
because they discovered that the birth name of her husband is the same as
her maiden name - cousins marrying unknowingly? One of her children is
mentally retarded - did she cause that by marrying a blood
relative??? Probably NOT, but you can't eradicate her feelings of guilt
and fear for what my research might uncover. So we must respect the
feelings and motivations of those less cooperative family members. And in
the final analysis, even tho I'd LOVE to claim Indian heritage, does it
really matter...if that knowledge comes at the expense of another's peace
of mind?
Sharing your frustrations, Darleen.