Thought some of you might enjoy this bit of humor I found in the newspaper
recently.
FOOTE RE-ACTS CRIME TODAY
Confesses to Swatting An Imaginary Fly on Man's Face
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Joe Foote, local restaurant proprietor was ready for trial this
afternoon for alleged assault and battery on Floyd W. Herald of Elkhart, a
newspaper solicitor. Foote pleaded not guilty when arrested and arraigned
last Friday afternoon following the altercation which occurred at his
restaurant.
Mayor Bibler's court assembled at 1 o'clock with a non-partisan throng
present. The Arcade barber shop and other business houses closed doors to
attend. Foote passed cigars. He was represented by Attorney Allan Widaman.
Prosecutor George Bowser was unable to reach the prosecuting witness by
telephone and after a 40-minute wait moved that the charge be dismissed for
lack of prosecution.
"I confessed this morning to Chiefie Lucas, who put me through degrees
one, two and three," said Foote. "I had the Chiefie mystified until he put
the lie-detector, which he brought home recently from Northwestern College
for Flatfeet, on me. The detector said we were both liars. It's a
wonderful machine, 'cause everyone lies and it can't miss. Lucas also gave
me the psychological grill. He trapped me everytime with surprise questions
until he tried to tell me sandwiches and pie was 15 cents. Everybody knows
sandwiches and pie is two bits. Then he had me re-enact the crime. I got a
copy of The Daily Times, folded it twice like one does when swatting flies,
and rehearsed the alleged assault.
"There was a mole on the solicitor's face, which I mistook for a fly,
and was brushing at it. That's what made him think I was assaulting him.
You know there has never been any flies in my restaurant, so of course I was
agitated when I mistakenly thought there was a fly right in my own spotless
restaurant on the solicitor's face. If he hadn't moved I would have got the
imaginary fly. Chief Lucas commended me on keeping my cafe clear of flies
and we hobnobbed and got very chummy. Quite a number of people volunteered
to serve on the jury. Al Capone has offered to let me have his room at
Leavenworth. And "the Goose Hangs High."
"I didn't see the fly on the insistent solicitor's face until he had
deviled me about half an hour to subscribe to his South Bend News-Times. I
already take his paper at my restaurant. The salesman insisted that I
subscribe for another copy to be delivered at my home. I was boosting
Warsaw papers and trade at home campaigns and so refused. I said if I wanted
to read the South Bend paper at home I would take my copy from the
restaurant and carry it home. Then the solicitor said 'You look like that
kind of a cheap-skate.' Then I noticed the imaginative fly on his
countenance.
"I promised Chief Lucas to use Flit hereafter but once I got some Flit
on the floor and a customer slipped on it and threatened to sue me. But
hereafter I'll use Flit."
Warsaw Daily Times April 11, 1932
YesterYear in Print
http://freepages.history.rootsweb.com/~kosco