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Sent: Thursday, May 02, 2002 12:15 AM
Subject: Only A True Southerner...
0nly a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and conniption, and that
you don't "HAVE" them but "PITCH" them.
Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans,
etc. make up "a mess".
Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of "yonder".
Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going
to town, be back directly."
Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the
table.
All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
term, but they know the concept well.
Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor
who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
(If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana
puddin'!)
Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and
"a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
mile or 20.
Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good
ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is
actually going to make a turn.
A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb.
Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the
nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger", or something that jumps out at
you in the dark and scares you senseless.
Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do
"queues", we do "lines"; and when we're "in line", we
talk to everybody!
Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related,
even if only by marriage.
True Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly
wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are
not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' ... ," you know
you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened.
"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who
drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own
way.