bobbiev wrote:
Hello all,
I have recently come upon a very discriminatory set of laws, in my opinion.
I am a genealogist just like you. Unlike us, my son, who is adopted, cannot
learn who his birthparents are, at least not cheaply nor easily. Most
adoptions in the US are closed. This means the adoptee, when he/she
reaches 21 years of age, can find out certain things about his/her ancestry.
This info costs about $100 and is usually very limited as to anything of value.
The birthparent's names are not given. My son was told by Catholic
Charities, and I am sure it is similar at other adoption agencies, that he
could spend between $300 and $500 to let them search for his birthparents.
When they find them, if they do, the birthparents may say that my son does
not get to know who they are.
Why can he not know his ancesry?
I, too, would like to know his birthparents. I would like to thank them for
giving me the most wonderful gift in the world. I have been so blessed by a
decision which I am sure was difficult for them.
Please consider writing or calling your local and national elected officials to
see if we cannot open up the adoption records for those who, like you and
me, want to trace our ancestry.
Tnanks.
|Bobbie
Your son is very fortunate to have you as a mother. However, before opening
Pandora's box, please consider the worst case scenarios of adoption and if this is
truly wise in suggesting your son pursue this as to some other hobby.
Not every child who is adopted is as a result of a loving unwed mother sacrificing
her child to a loving adoptive family. The reality is there are far too many
children are born from rape, incest or drug addicted parents.
I have a very close friend who was adopted at five days old through a church
related adoption. She decided she wanted to know her ancestry much as you suggest
your son does. Unfortunately she was quite unprepared for the facts concerning her
birth. Not only was the circumstance horrible, but when she contacted her birth
mother's family she was devastated by the reception.
Her mother, who had recently died, had never told her subsequent husband or six
children of my friend's existence. The father became extremely ill and the siblings
blame my friend for their father's illness. The letters she received via the agency
were somewhat hateful toward's their half-sister and no further contact was wanted
with her. To say my friend was traumatized by this is an understatement. Her
innocent search led to disaster for her and two families were hurt by this.
I can appreciate your frustration in trying to help your son, but I respectfully
suggest that many of the exisiting laws were enacted not to frustrate budding
genealogists, but rather as a means to protect both parties. Hopefully your son was
not the result of a rape or some other horrific circumstance, but you must
realistically evaluate the possibility of a change in your relationship with your
son if the circumstances of his birth were not as you believe or want. If you child
is a minor, I would encourage him in other interests. If he is an adult, please use
your best judgment in helping him.
Much luck to you both,
Henry Sutliff