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<< Hey Claudett, Hey don't apologize I loved them and the folks that I
shared them with will too!! Ruth Bartley >>
Thanks Ruth. I felt bad because I was sending to another list I am on which
falls under this list in my address book. Sometimes you do need a good
laugh....
Claudette
I want to say sorry to you all because the emails you are receiving wasn't
meant to be send to this list. The person I was sending them to is listed
right below in my address book.
Sorry again.....
Claudette M. Beerman-Rogers
Ravenna, Ohio
Clunk-L List Owner
Email: Rsoutherngal(a)aol.com
Researching the following: Clunk, Flory, Crawford, Lewis, Stenger, Rupp, ad
Stockman families all from Ohio
10 top Things That Make A Real Man
10. Comes home directly from work knowing his "real" job is about to start.
9. Is not afraid to get down on hands and knees and play "horsie".
8. Kisses his children and shows them a man can be gentle.
7. Kisses his wife in front of his children so the children can be secure in
the knowledge of a united home.
6. Hugs his family and says "I love you".
5. Is not afraid to cry.
4. Goes with his family to church or place of worship.
3. Values the advice of his wife.
2. Starts each day with a "quiet time" talking to the Lord.
And the number one thing:
1. Prays.
-Author Unknown-
Posted by:
~~~~~~~Claudette~~~~~~~~
Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew. . .
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with them.
Birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't
want to hear.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tide. Let it
be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a
calendar.
Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at
choosing what pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we
do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No,
it doesn't matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments
become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes
you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not
both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, neither do we.
Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain
about having boobs stared at.
More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at
boobs.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
were going out.
ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is
also a fruit.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the
closet/attic/basement.
We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex
with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.
What the h*** is a doily?
-Author Unknown-
Posted by:
~~~~~~~Claudette~~~~~~~~
Thesaurus For Men
"I'm going fishing"
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a
stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety!
"It's a guy thing"
Translated: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and
you have no chance at all of making it logical.
"Can I help with dinner?"
Translated: Why isn't it already on the table?
"Uh Huh", "Sure, honey", or "Yes, dear"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditional response.
"It would take to long to explain"
Translated: I have no idea how it works.
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind"
Translated: I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.
"Take a break honey, you're working too hard"
Translated: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
"That's interesting, dear"
Translated: Are you still talking?
"You know how bad my memory is"
Translated: I remember the theme song to "F Troop', the address of the
first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I've ever owned. . . but, I forgot your birthday!
"I was just thinking about you and got you these roses"
Translated: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.
"Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself. It's no big deal"
Translated: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death
before I admit that I'm hurt.
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing"
Translated: And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
"I can't find it"
Translated: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
clueless.
"What did I do this time?"
Translated: What did you catch me at?
"I heard you"
Translated: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and I am
hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend
the next 3 days yelling at me.
"You know I could never love anyone else"
Translated: I am used to the way you yell at me and realize things could
be worse.
"You look terrific"
Translated: Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are"
Translated: I am a man. Men don't ask directions! (Even if it means no
one will ever see us alive again).
"We share the housework"
Translated: I make the messes and she cleans them up.
Posted by:
~~~~~~~Claudette~~~~~~~~
If you do NOT have a sense of humor, kindly exit now!
Men Are Like. . .
Men are like. . . Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like. . . Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like. . . Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like. . . Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like. . . Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like. . . Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like. . . Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like. . . Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
Men are like. . . High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like. . . Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like. . . Lawn mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Men are like. . . Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like. . . Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like. . . Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like. . . Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up on your butt.
Men are like. . . Noodles.
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like. . . Parking spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or
extremely small.
Men are like. . . Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like. . . Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like. . . Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like. . . Snowstorms.
You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he
will last.
Men are like. . . Used cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like. . . Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like. . . Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
Posted by:
~~~~~~~Claudette~~~~~~~~
Beauty Tips by Audrey Hepburn
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk in the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived,
reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your
arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping
yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she
carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen
from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where
love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is
reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion
that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Posted by:
~~~~~~~Claudette~~~~~~~~
Okay, I don't write em (in most cases). . . I just find em and share them
with you in the form of a web page. I am also not a man-hater. . . quite the
contrary, I have a husband of 5 years that I adore and he thinks this stuff
is as funny as I do. SO, lighten up - enjoy the ride! And if you really have
no sense of humor, click on the X (upper, right corner) now! :)
Why Are Men Such. . .
1. Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Very similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer
from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a
male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching
and nagging we have to endure)? Hormones modify behavior. We're just
misunderstood.
2. Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the
testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides,
women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught.
We're fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal.
Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men
lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we
can.
3. Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's
much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
4. Why do men always say such stupid things?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated
by a few simple (and well-chosen) words.
5. Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get
into trouble with your partner.
6. Why do men have to act like such retards?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the
old-fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world
nowadays.
7. Why can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men are
different? How are we suppose to share how we feel when we have no idea how
we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred,
disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I
get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
8. Why can't men cuddle more (i.e., lie down and hug)?
Please. . . how many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as
much as we can, but who the heck (besides women) can stand lying around for
hours on end? We men. . . Men hunters. . . Need go roam. . .Starve in cave.
. . Must go find wild beast. Now sitting on our butts for hours on end, on
the other hand, is a whole other story.
9. How can men sit on their butts all day without moving?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles, developed by evolution, that
enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In
prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for long periods
of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit
very still for very extended periods of time, thereby passing on this ability
to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber-toothed
tigers, etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this
innate ability.
10. Why can't men just say "I love you?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we
love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most consider that a
character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
11. Why do men say "I love you" when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho. . . Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire
way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quiet well.
12. Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every one of your questions.
If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer,
we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
13. Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn
well you'll pick it up.
14. What's with all the belching and farting?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way of letting
you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a
sign of affection. Besides, holding back for extended periods of time gives
us stomach cramps.
15. Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go
out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours looking
at things we have no intention of killing? Err. . . buying!
-Author Unknown-
Posted by:
~~~~~~~Claudette~~~~~~~~