These are really funny!]]]
by Betty & Kenneth Sheets
>Date
>
>
>>> > >Actual answering machine greetings:
>>> > > >
>>> >
>>> > > > A is for academics, B is for beer.
>>> > > > One of those reasons is why
>>> > > > we're not here.... So leave a message
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hi. This is John.
>>> > > > If you are the phone company,
>>> > > > I already sent the money.
>>> > > > If you are my parents, please send money.
>>> > > > If you are my financial aid institution,
>>> > > > you didn't lend me enough money.
>>> > > > If you are my friends, you owe me money.
>>> > > > If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty
>>> > of
>>> > money.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hi. Now you say something.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hi, I'm not home right now but my
>>> > > > answering machine is, so you
>>> > > > can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hello. I am David's answering
>>> > > > machine. What are you?
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > (From a Japanese man in Toronto:)
>>> > > > He-ro! This is Sato. If you leave message, I
>>> > call
>>> > you soon.
>>> > > > If you leave a sexy message, I call sooner!
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hi! John's answering machine is
>>> > > > broken. This is his refrigerator.
>>> > > > Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick
>>> > > > your message to myself with
>>> > > > one of these magnets.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hello, this is Sally's microwave.
>>> > > > Her answering machine just eloped with her tape
>>> > deck,
>>> > > > so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you
>>> > > > want anything cooked while you leave your
>>> > message,
>>> > > > just hold it up to the phone.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hello, you are talking to a machine.
>>> > > > I am capable of receiving messages.
>>> > > > My owners do not need siding, windows,
>>> > > > or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean.
>>> > > > They give to charity through their office
>>> > > > and do not need their picture taken.
>>> > > > If you're still with me, leave your name and
>>> > > > number and they will get back to you.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > This is not an answering machine-
>>> > > > this is a telepathic thought-recording device.
>>> > > > After the tone, think about your name, your
>>> > > > reason for calling and a number where I can
>>> > > > reach you, and I'll think about returning your
>>> > call.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding
>>> > someone
>>> > I don't like.
>>> > > > Leave me a message, and if I don't call back,
>>> > it's
>>> > you.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I
>>> > > > can't answer the phone right now.
>>> > > > Leave a message, and then wait by your phone
>>> > > > until I call you back.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > If you are a burglar, then we're
>>> > > > probably at home cleaning our
>>> > > > weapons right now and can't come to the
>>> > > > phone. Otherwise, we probably
>>> > > > aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting
>>> > heavy.
>>> > > > You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually
>>> > losing
>>> > your
>>> > > > willpower and your ability to resist
>>> > suggestions.
>>> > > > When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly
>>> > compelled to
>>> > > > leave your name, number, and a message.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Please leave a message. However,
>>> > > > you have the right to remain silent.
>>> > > > Everything you say will be recorded
>>> > > > and will be used by us.
>>> > > > ~~~~~
>>> > > > Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.
>>> > > > We can't pick up the phone
>>> > > > right now, because we're doing something we
>>> > > > really enjoy. Sonya likes doing
>>> > > > it up and down, and I like doing it left to
>>> > > > right ... real slowly. So leave a
>>> > > > message, and when we're done
>>> > > > brushing our teeth, we'll get back
>>> > > > to you.
>>> > >
>>> >
>>> >
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Betty @bksheets(a)usit.net
GATHERING OF THE PAST
http://members.tripod.com/~TENNESSEESUE/index.html