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Subject: Joke of the Day! (Golf Balls)
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From: "Geoffrey (Jeff) Nickerson" <Geoffrey(a)allworld.net>
Reply-to: Please send non-copyrighted jokes to <Jokes(a)allworld.net>
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Monday, October 05, 1998
Hello Joke Lover,
Warm-up Shortie:
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
-o- Golf Balls
-o- Maternity Surprise
-o- As the Doctor Ordered
_______________________________________________________________
Have you seen our "Teaching What I Most Need To Know" Site?
How about the jokes site? The Bulletin Board? Teen's Site?
It is all handy from one page now. Go for it!
http://www.allworld.net/
Golf Balls
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A young man, who worked at a driving range, picked up a couple of
dozen old balls one day and took them home with him, stuffing them
into his pants pockets.
On the bus on his way home, an elderly old lady sat down next to
him, so he had to scrunch them up to make room for her. He noticed
after a while the lady was glancing sideways toward his pockets. A
bit embarrassed, he said to the lady, "It's all right ma'am, they're
just golf balls."
She nodded and smiled sympathetically and a few moments later said,
"Tell me - is that something like tennis elbow?"
Contributed by: David L.
______________________
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Visit our Website and get a free copy of the most complete NFL stats
available. Study our exclusive match play format "Team on Team"
comparisons for all games played the next Sunday. Over 1,500 stats (50
stats for each team).
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_________________________________________________________
Bonus joke...
Maternity Surprise
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife
had gone into labor when the nurse walked out and said to a man
sitting there, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that! I work for the Minnesota Twins
baseball team."
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and
announced that Mrs. Smith had just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up
and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for 3M!"
When the nurse appeared next, she told the third man that his wife had
given birth to quadruplets. "That's amazing! I work for the Four
Seasons Hotel!"
At this point the gentleman sitting next to me let out a little
strangled gasp and hurriedly got up, obviously distraught. When I
asked him if he was okay, he explained, "I think I need a breath of
fresh air." The man continued, "I'm the casting director for 101
Dalmatians."
Contributed by: Dennis
_________________
Software Superstore:
Have you been through the AllWorld Software Superstore? Check it out
when you have a moment. About every title you'd want is available
here, to download or to have shipped in the box.
http://www.allworld.net/software/
_________________________________________________________
Bonus Bonus!!
As the Doctor Ordered
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him.
"How bad is it?" the doctor asks.
"I have no idea", says the husband.
"Well, please test her. Say something 20 feet away, and if she
doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thing until she does.
That way we'll have an idea of her range of hearing loss."
So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen chopping up
vegetables for dinner.
From 20 feet: "What are we having for dinner?" No answer.
From 10 feet, same thing.
From 5 feet, same thing.
Finally he's standing right behind her.
"What's for dinner?"
She turns around, looks at him and says "For the fourth time, beef
stew!"
Contributed by: Frances
Joke of the Day! received by 40,000+ people. For Ad info visit
http://www.allworld.net/adinfo/ or mailto:AdInfo@allworld.net
__________________________
UPDATES & EDITORIALS:
It is me, Jeff, at the helm once again. My friend and able equal has
done a nice job keeping the parts together in the meantime. Thank
you, Cindy.
While I was away, I enjoyed taking pictures up and down the coastline
of Oregon near Newport and spending time in the sunshine and blustery
coastal winds. It is an amazing land to say the very least. There's
so much life and energy there. It was very good to spend so much time
taking pictures too. I shot perhaps 15 rolls of film while I was
away, and I didn't lose any equipment to the sea and sand. That's an
accomplishment by itself, with the sneaker waves and blowing sand.
It was good getting back, spending time again with my kitty Whisper
and my dog Cimmarron. They are both so loving and dear. I hope that
while I was away, you enjoyed the selections of jokes and stories we
sent.
An update about little Amanda:
The initiator of the prayer chain letter has put up a web page
informing us that Amanda is now fine:
You can find this site at the following URL:
http://www.sunlink.net/~stefo/
Thanks to George Lawson for getting us this information.
If you need to contact us by telephone:
Toll Free U.S.A.: 1-800-266-3556
Internationally: 001-208-331-9184
Please be sure to see the cartoons and more just below.
Jeff-
____________________________________________________________
CARTOON FUN!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Snapshots for a great view on life, by Jason Love:
http://www.allworld.net/allworld/jokes/awjokes.html
AND
"Ten Laughs A Day" featuring 10 cartoons a day from the world's
top cartoonists at
http://www.10Laughs.com/
____________________________________________________________
The "Teaching What I Most Need to Know" Section:
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Don't miss out on the Inspiration of the Day! at the site.
http://www.allworld.net/inspiration/today.html
Vision of Darkness
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
On my recent vacation, I visited the Oregon coast in Newport Oregon.
I arrived at Agate beach at about 5:30 a.m. That beach was all new to
me; I'd never been to that particular beach.
In the heavy darkness before dawn, I hesitantly worked my way past the
soggiest parts of the path heading toward the surf. Dunes cut out by
the ocean's power lay before me, presenting all shapes and sizes, the
sand was hard, wet and packed on some of the dunes, and loose and
sliding on others. It was cool and a little windy as I approached
the water's edge.
My visibility was limited by the darkness as I strained to see the
detail of the dunes and water. I thought to God, "I'd sure like to
see this better. Can you help me with that?"
For a moment, I could see a what seemed a greater distance more
clearly. It wasn't that my vision changed, but that I relaxed and
could more easily appreciate what I could see as a total picture.
I could see shadowy figures in the sand and the white of the water
breaking over the wet beach in the distance. I could see the outline
against the water of the jutting Yaquina outcropping where a very old
lighthouse shined its warning in the night. I could see the water
breaking into waves further out on the ocean. There was much to see,
though still no real light.
I walked along the shoreline for a while, looking down for shells in
the limited light. It was good to be near the power and shear size of
the great Pacific Ocean once again. I thanked God for the opportunity
to visit the ocean in the fall. It was a beautiful and awe inspiring
place to say the least. I thanked Him also for helping me to see
things a bit differently.
As I was walking back toward my car to gather my equipment to take
pictures when the light broke, I realized something about my earlier
request for better visibility. Sometimes I catch myself wanting that
which is not yet before me, thereby not fully appreciating the gifts
of the moment at hand.
There were beautiful things to see right then. Never before had I
witnessed the beach or ocean as morning began to break, much less
this one in this particular time. The silly thing that occurred to
me was that had I simply waited for another hour, I'd naturally see
better.
I was reminded of a question I'd heard in my mind in times past:
"Jeff, why do you want things in your time, rather than in God's
time? Gifts are before you in each and every moment, when you
realize them as such - and when you don't."
Written by: Geoffrey D. Nickerson
Would you like to experience the feeling of being loving?
Perhaps you will find it on our Inspirational Bulletin Board:
http://www.allworld.net/inspiration/board/wwwboard.html
Telling of God's Assured Love,
Jeff--
Joke Purveyor and Chief Cook & Bottle Washer
To join Jeff's new mailing list for elaboration on these subjects,
send mailto:Inspiration@allworld.net today.
________________________________________________________________
All material written by Jeff in the above section is Copyright
1998 Geoffrey (Jeff) Nickerson. You may use the material for
non-commercial purposes if this notice is intact. Thanks.
________________________________________________________________
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HOW TO SEND US CONTRIBUTIONS & FEEDBACK:
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Reply to any Joke of the Day! message and we'll get it. We're also
accepting contributions for the teaching section above! Thank you.
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