"We are usually a friendly easy going lot" Until it comes to an Rugbt Union
On Saturday night Australia plays News Zealand in Sydney - you would think
Worlkd War Three had started>
Who will be going around to our New Zealand friends for dinner and jeering
for the Australians.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Brian Boyd" <bboyd(a)melbpc.org.au>
Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2005 8:58 AM
Subject: Re: [BOYD] Fw: Aussie great sense of humor
A few extra misconceptions we personally have encountered whilst
From a cigar chomping Texan: "Aren't the islands of Australia and New
Zealand just offshore from India, down near Hawaii somewhere?" (have a
look at an atlas!)
He gave the impression that Texas covered 2/3rds of the globe.
"Yeah, New Zealand is up near Holland isn't it?"
They were confused with the Dutch province of Zeeland.
Austria and Australia often get mixed up by people of all countries.
Another well informed person told me "That's right, New Zealand is a tiny
Island down under somewhere"
(I then explained that New Zealand was a long stretch of two main islands
which if placed on the USA would touch Canada in the North and Mexico in
the South. This was met with utter disbelief.)
When landing at Melbourne after a panPacific flight, a couple of women
opposite said "watch carefully and you might see a herd of kangaroos
hopping down the runway" (Just imagine the pilots dilemma!)
Another authoritatively stated " Australia is ALL sand and desert"
(Australia and New Zealand have tremendously varied scenery including some
of the finest rain-forests and alpine forests in the Southern Hemisphere.
There are also some of the finest fjiords in the World at the bottom of
New Zealand and excellent snow-fields. Australia does however have very
large and interesting desert areas in the centre)
A group of Negro boys from Philadelphia were told by a serious adult "New
Zealanders are all dark skinned uncivilised cannibals."
(When I met them the kids found it hard to believe that I was a 3rd
generation New Zealander, spoke English, had fair hair, wore shoes, ate
vegetables as well as meat, dressed normally and didn't have a bone
through my nose!)
Some people had no idea at all where New Zealand was.
One thought that the Sydney harbour bridge somehow connected the two
Others thought New Zealand to be just offshore from Australia (it takes
3-4 hours by jet)
Some tourists arrive for three days in New Zealand and a week in
Australia, hoping to see both countries fully in that time! (you need two
months to cover New Zealand and a lot longer to cover the vast area of
Others believed the two sovereign countries to be still colonies of the
Another couple from Texas were amazed that Australians and New Zealanders
did not have a hand gun in the house for protection, as this is illegal in
both of our countries. Gun laws are fairly strict over here.
Whilst Police in Australia do, in New Zealand the Police do not normally
carry a fire-arm. This is rare amongst most countries now-a-days.
Americans were amused that Aussies and Kiwis argued and belittled each
others countries, but if anyone else dared to do so, then the other would
mount a united counter-attack!
The two countries have very similar flags. Many Australians do not know
the six differences between them, although most New Zealanders would be
aware of the difference with big brother's flag next door.
The flora and fauna are very different too. N.Z. has virtually no native
fauna other than interesting bird life. Australia has some of the most
fascinating animals on earth.
We are usually a friendly easy going lot
----- Original Message -----
From: "Emma May Hunter" <genie(a)usadatanet.net>
Sent: Monday, August 08, 2005 2:45 PM
Subject: [BOYD] Fw: Aussie great sense of humor
> I thought this would be cute to put on the list since there are so many
> that are from Australia. If you do not want to put it on the list I
> understand since it is off topic.
> Subject: Aussie great sense of humor
> The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They
> were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
> actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
> how do the plants grow? (UK).
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
> them die.
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
> tracks? (Sweden)
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
> Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
> A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
> list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
> A: What did your last slave die of?
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
> oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings
> Come naked.
> Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
> we'll send the rest of the directions.
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
> oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
> Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
> Come naked.
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
> A: You are a British politician, right?
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
> rattlesnake serum. (USA)
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
> Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
> good pets.
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
> name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
> Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
> scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
> Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
> A: No, WE don't stink.
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
> tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
> smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
> A: Only at Christmas.
> Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
> dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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